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Scot Crawford

Being Regular

I used to hang out at a good bar. It had everything: a long history, ambient despair, determined alcoholism people seemed to truly enjoy, disturbingly beautiful women roaming through a comfortable distance, queer birds with queerer histories, regulars who suddenly die from third world ailments, and a fantastic bartender who treated regulars like royalty and strangers with amusing disdain.

Happy Housing Story

With the grim housing situation in NY leaving so many looking for an affordable place to live, I’ve decided to tell a cheery apartment tale.

Another Housing Story

In the last “Housing Story,” my annoying upstairs neighbor, Johnny, fell off the roof of my tenement building while renovating his fire-damaged apartment, and I at long last got a legal lease for mine.


I awoke this morning to find that none of the many irritants in the world irritated me any more.“Great!” I said. “It’s about time”.

Party Down part 2

It’s New Years Eve of the Milennium, and myself, my girlfriend Sally, and our dog Buster, are on our way to a party. It’s a small town in Idaho, and we’ve been stopped by the local police, because my headlight was out. It’s almost midnight.

Party Down

On New Year’s Eve of the millennium, I realized that I would always feel ridiculous.

LAW AND ORDER SUV: Special Urban Vice

Characters:             Sarge — In charge of unit, is only a head.             Vinny — Detective, no legs, on skateboard             Ronnie — Detective, morbidly obese             Jones — Assistant to Sarge, deaf mute             Herr — Detective


0) I decide to do my taxes myself this year, to save money, and be less ignorant about them. And I still owe my accountant for doing last year’s taxes.


The Brooklyn Rail

SEPT 2023

All Issues